Comments on someone else's instructions
This is where you can post your comments on someone else's instructions (whether you chose to comment on good instructions or bad ones). You post in the usual way (click on the Comment link below, paste your comment into the text box, click on the 'Anonymous' radio button, and then click on Login and Publish).
There are ten marks for this part of the Task. The criteria I'll be using to mark this part are like this:
0-5 marks: your comments are superficial, not very substantial and don't pay much attention to the recommendations in the Effective Writing extract
6 marks: your comments are adequate, and pay some attention to the recommendations, but don't cover the instructions being commented on in full detail
7 marks: your comments are appropriate, pay attention to the recommendations, and cover most of the points in the instructions being commented on
8 marks: you've made thorough and appropriate comments and drawn very clear connections to the recommendations
posted by David Richardson @ 4:46 AM
20 Comments:
Comments on the instruction published by Andreas Söderholm
I think that this instruction is good. It has a good sequence and structure. The number list shows you in a clear way excactly in what order you shall do the different activities. The activities are described how to do in a simple way and there are no unnecessary details. Every activity is also shortly written which helps you to remember how to do the whole step and you do not have to keep a lot of information in your head at the same time. It contains a language that is easy to understand and there are no words that can be confusing.
It is a complete instruction that does not leave anything out, there is also a notation that tells you what occurs if there is something you have forgotten to do.
I thnik the instruction explains how to operate the appliance in a clear way without any confusion or hesitation.
Sofia Danielsson
Comments on the instruction published by Andreas Söderholm
The aim of the writer:
The aim with the instruction is to simply instruct in how the PREMIUM TOAST by OBH Nordica works and how to use it. I think the writer succeeds well with the aim because the instruction stays strictly to a simple explanation in how the toaster works and how to use it.
The aim of the reader:
I think most people just throws away instructions like this one. The few of them who actually read the instruction will do it just after opening the box or just before using the toaster for their first time.
Identifying the reader’s aim:
I think the reader just want a simple instruction. Obviously that is the idea the writer has about the readers aim to.
Selecting information:
The instruction avoids more technical details like the effect, time for heating and so on which is good. Bringing technical details into the instruction would have turned it in to an essay about PREMIUM TOAST by OBH Nordica, not in to a simple instruction.
.
Who are the audience?
I think:
• There will be a mixed group of people reading the instruction.
• Most of them already know how the toaster works and just read the instruction to get a confirmation of what they already know.
• Their attitude when they read the instruction will probably be like; “I better read it, just in case..”.
I think writing this sort of instruction is a fairly easy task for a writer; he or she does not need to make the instruction in to an interesting story. He or she just needs to explain things clear and simple.
What do readers need to know?
The instruction is written in on very basic grounds. Therefore it is an instruction possible for anyone to read without any prior knowledge.
Arrangement of information:
The instruction has a good structured chronological order which makes it easy to follow step by step.
My opinion:
I agree with Andreas, it is a good instruction. I think the writer have succeeded well in writing a very simple instruction possible for anyone to read.
Jonathan Magnusson
Comment on How to Ask Someone to Dance at a Formal Ball published by Sara Borgengren
I think this is an example of a good instruction. It has a good layout that makes it easy to read and understand. The number list gives it a good structured chronological order which makes it easy to follow one step at the time.
The aim whit this instruction is to teach people that are not so familiar whit dance how to ask some one to dance. For that reason I think it is good that no difficult words are used which makes it easy to understand even if you don’t know much about dance.
One thing that could be changed is point number 4, I don’t think it is necessary to tell the reader what he/she not should do, it can be confusing. If you have read the instructions when you where at home you maybe just remember something about a hand and do offer it instead of not doing it, so I think that point could be taken away.
Andreas Söderholm
Comment on How to Ask Someone to Dance at a Formal Ball published by Sara Borgengren
I don’t totally agree with sara that this is a good instruction. Because what will happen if you not can get eye contact?
And when you ask "May I have this dance?" what would happen if the answer is “No”?
I think there are several options that not are included in the instruction who could happen in reality.
It would be better if there where some option if you have a no, like “If you have a No slowly walk a way”. And for the eye contact I would have it more like “ if you can not get eye contact slowly walk forward to her”
Otherwise it is a good instruction who has a structured chronological order and has a easy language. I think everyone would understand it , but if there is a “No” it going to cause some problem.
Kristofer Bard Ahlström
Comments on the instruction published by Kerstin Moberg
I think this is a both good and bad instruction. It’s good because it’s easy to read and to understand even though some misleading issues.
The layout is great. First is a section for the required ingredients which is a good way to start a recipe. After the “ingredient section” comes the instruction part. It’s a chronological number list which makes it easy to read and bake at the same time. There are no difficult words and the activities in each point aren’t so complicated.
The reasons why I think the instruction is bad is the lack of information for those who may not feel so comfortable in the kitchen.
I think point number 2 is a little vague because it sounds like you should melt the margarine in the oven. It would have been clearer with an explanation in how to melt the margarine or it could have been written under a new point.
The recipe doesn’t either mention what the baker should do if the cake isn’t ready.. How will the baker know if it is? All ovens are different so the baking time can vary.
But for an experienced baker I don’t think there would be any problems.
According to Effective Writing an instruction which fails to make the reader do something with minimum hesitation and the operation correct has failed as communication.
The writer has maybe assumed that the readers are experienced and knows such things. I think a recipe should be clear to both beginners and experts.
Sara Borgengren
Comments on the instruction published by Jonathan Magnusson
I assume that this instruction is intended for people all around the world as Jonathan says it is. This conveys that it would be good to use words that everyone can understand or easy can find out what the words means.
For example:
• According to the lexicon “parchment” means “pergament”. Pargament is an old kind of paper that was used back in the days. My personal guess is that it means “bakplåtspapper” but I do not know really, and that makes me unsure what to actually use.
• What is “cream of tartar”? In the lexicon it says that tartar means “tandsten” but I guess that is not what they mean. A cream based on tandsten would bee quite fun. If this is a special ingredient from England as the “clotted cream” that Jonathan mentioned, it would be good to state an example of an alternative that is more “world wide”.
If they don’t use words with double meaning it is easier to avoid misunderstandings.
I don’t really know what I think of the fact that they use analogies, for example:
Rub in the butter until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs.
Of course this gives the person a hint of how the consistency should be, but one person understands and takes things differently than others, therefore I think it’s much better to give a clear measure of how much butter (in this case) that should be added. Then no unnecessary questions will come up.
When it comes to give clear instructions we find the same problem in this case with the milk: Stir in the sugar and enough milk to mix to a soft dough.
What is enough?
Jonathan has also mentioned that there are no explanations for measures of length and capacity for cups and inches. This is of course important to indicate since people are used to different kind of units of measurements.
Apart from the fact that the language sometimes is a bit too advanced for “non Englishmen” I think that the instruction has a good structure and that it is easy to follow the items, even though it sometimes has some vague wordings. The instruction gives you the information you need, not more or less.
Karin Claesson
Comments on the instruction published by Andreas Söderholm
Overall I think this is a good manual on how to operate the toaster, but it is lacking some vital information and instructions that I would like to see in a manual.
It is short, reasonably well structured in a step by step manner and easy to follow and hard to misinterpret.
It is not too technical and the information given is just what you need to know.
As the targeted group for the toaster is so large, the manual has to be written in a language everybody can understand and I think the writer achieves this very well.
A few things I would like to see different:
The topic could be more explaining of what the manual is about, like:
Manual for operating a PREMIUM TOAST by OBH Nordica
Maybe the manual could cover the safety part a bit more:
What happens if the bread gets stuck in the toaster? How do I remove it? How do I clean the toaster?
And tell the reader not to place their morning paper on the toaster while toasting or not to have the toaster near the sink while doing the dishes etc.
Of course if there is a safety brochure that comes along the manual you don’t need this. However, the manual must then clearly refer to the safety information.
/ Kristian Björkemar
Comment on ”How to change your air filter in your car” written by Kristofer Bard Ahlström.
POSITIVE
In general I think this is a good instruction. Pedagogical, easy to read, and there are no confusions of what to do. To line up with numbers is very good, because you know where you are, and what to do next. The writer has succeeded to write enough information under each point, the reader doesn’t have to remember too much until he goes to the next point.
I do also think there are good descriptions of what things look like, that makes it easy to find them, for example what the air filter and housing look like in point nr 2 and 4.
The writer do also mention words like air filter and housing in almost every sentence, it’s good to say these keywords often so there can be no confusion of which part he is talking about.
In most parts of the instruction I think the writer has done a good job in selecting things that was needed to be explained, again point nr 2 and 4.
NEGATIVE
I think most people would understand this text, but the writer assumes that the reader knows the difference between these two types of cars.
I don’t think I would have felt confident enough to change air filter with this instruction if I had never had my eyes under the hood. For example “why do you have to seal of the top of the carburettor to clean the air filter housing?” The writer does not explain this, but maybe I would understand if I saw the parts while reading this instruction.
One thing that I can’t really decide is, if it’s good or bad that this instruction is so general, couldn’t the writer write two instructions, one for carburettors and one for fuel-injected cars?
Instruction has more than a 100 words, failure of assignment!
Kerstin Moberg
Comments on the instruction published by Sofia Danielsson
I think it is a good instruction, it is easy to follow and do contain so many difficult words.
In the same time there are some gaps in the instruction:
• What is the aim of the test (test in what?)
• you have to be registered to have a password.
• What happened if I fail the test? Must I take it one more time or could I do the next test.
Nasir Salman
Comment on Basic Scones
published by Jonathan Magnusson
I would like to agree with Jonathans statement that this is a rather poor instruction for how to make Scones. As he has explained there are poor or none explanations for measures of length and capacity which I believe is very important when publishing the recipe on an international web site.
Also there is a general feeling that this is a recipe for someone who knows his/her way in the kitchen and who is familiar with the different household utensils as there are no explanation of the odd ingredients as Jonathan explains.
And to add an ingredience as clotted cream which is mostly common in the southwest of England does not seem as a very good thing to do as this recipe is supposed to be posted on an International site.
At the top it says “Basic British Scones” but the question is:
Who is this recipe basic for?
For someone living in Sweden or any other country for that matter, in which another measurement system is used this would be far from basic with no conversion between measurements and in a way a complicated use of language.
This recipe feels like it is written down by an Englishman whos intention was to present it domestically and then it just ended up on an international page just the same.
On the other hand however,this recipe is properly written, pointing out step by step in a nice and cronological order and would be easy to remember after using it for a while.
Andreas Adlerborn
Comments on the instruction published by Andreas Söderholm
I think that the instruction is good. It is just information which is required to make your toast. If it is other information I think they will forget the important parts of how to do their toast. The costumer want a simple instruction.
It is nothing in the instuction that is confusing and it is easy to read. I think that is one of the most important things because it is anyone from school age to pensionable age who use the toaster. It is also easy to follow the steps. The instruction is flowing well and it has a good structure. The insruction is very basic and you dont need any technial skill to handle the toast.
Carl-Johan Karlsson
Comment on “How to do a leaf rubbing” Instructions by Monika Wogatai.
In general this is a good instruction because it is easy to read and understand. You can easily follow the instructions and make a leaf rubbing.
It gives you a good introduction in how to start and which leaves are best to use and which ones you should avoid and why. In a few simple words it is explained how to go on step by step. You get a few tips how you can make it in different ways according to your taste.
To transfer leaves is not a difficult thing to do and I doubt that nobody who tries will fail. I think there will be people who like to potter and are looking for new ideas reading the instruction. Above all it will attract children. Therefore the instruction could have been more pedagogical. Even if it is easy to understand it is written a bit dull to appeal children.
The last four sentences have a clear message but can be reworded to make it more pleasant to read. The instruction is on more than 100 words. I think it could have been written in 100 words without losing its quality and still be a good instruction.
Maria Gustafsson
Comments on the instruction published Kerstin Moberg
The aim
According to the text in the “Effective Writing”, there is a different between what the writer wants to achieve with an instruction and what the subject of the instruction is. When writing instructions, first, the writer needs to mention about what he/she wants, the reader of the instruction to achieve. The writer of the recipe has succeded here by mentioning the aim of the recipe in an understandable way prior to it.
The audience
The text in “Effective Writing” says that the writer needs to know some basic things such as the prior knowledge of the audience and what do they need to know more about etc. As the writer of the recipe do not know anything about the audience (atleast the writer did not mention anything), he/she must write in such way that is understandable to any reader regardless of his/her prior knowledge. In my view, the writer failed here as the recipe contains some sentences that he/she thinks obvious. (Example: See Point 2 in “comments on the text”)
Select and arrange information
Instructions may often contain to much information that is irrelevant and superfluous, according to the text in “Effective Writing”. They recommend the writers to think about the requirement of sufficient information.
I believe that this recipe is lacking some information that may have an effect on the result. The writer has left out few details that are of importance while making the cake. This kind of recipe could easily confuse a beginner and he/she could make some mistakes.
Comments on the points in text:
Point 2: Is the margarine suppose to be melted in the oven? My guess is no. For a begginer it is not as obvious as it is to me. These are, as refered by the authors, the words with double meanings.
Point 3: According to the recipe the cake mixture is ready when it has the same colour everywhere. An experienced person in baking knows that the consistency of the eggs is of importance. This is an important detail that has been left out of the recipe and that will probably effect the result of the cake.
The authors give a good explanation about failure. If the process fails to operate correctly, an instruction has failed as communication.
Point 4: Other missing details are the size of the baking-tin, if it should be covered with some oven paper or inside area should be rubbed with some margarine
Point 5: This gives a good explanation of what to do, however it does not say how it looks when it is ready.The baking time is different for different types ovens which has not been considered in the recipe.
To summarize, I think this instruction has good structure, for example, numbering of instructions as they do recommend in the text but the instructions are not written in an understandable way. Therefore I think this is a bad instruction.
Parminder Virdi
Comments on the instruction published Kerstin Moberg
The aim
According to the text in the “Effective Writing”, there is a different between what the writer wants to achieve with an instruction and what the subject of the instruction is. When writing instructions, first, the writer needs to mention about what he/she wants, the reader of the instruction to achieve. The writer of the recipe has succeded here by mentioning the aim of the recipe in an understandable way prior to it.
The audience
The text in “Effective Writing” says that the writer needs to know some basic things such as the prior knowledge of the audience and what do they need to know more about etc. As the writer of the recipe do not know anything about the audience (atleast the writer did not mention anything), he/she must write in such way that is understandable to any reader regardless of his/her prior knowledge. In my view, the writer failed here as the recipe contains some sentences that he/she thinks obvious. (Example: See Point 2 in “comments on the text”)
Select and arrange information
Instructions may often contain to much information that is irrelevant and superfluous, according to the text in “Effective Writing”. They recommend the writers to think about the requirement of sufficient information.
I believe that this recipe is lacking some information that may have an effect on the result. The writer has left out few details that are of importance while making the cake. This kind of recipe could easily confuse a beginner and he/she could make some mistakes.
Comments on the points in text:
Point 2: Is the margarine suppose to be melted in the oven? My guess is no. For a begginer it is not as obvious as it is to me. These are, as refered by the authors, the words with double meanings.
Point 3: According to the recipe the cake mixture is ready when it has the same colour everywhere. An experienced person in baking knows that the consistency of the eggs is of importance. This is an important detail that has been left out of the recipe and that will probably effect the result of the cake.
The authors give a good explanation about failure. If the process fails to operate correctly, an instruction has failed as communication.
Point 4: Other missing details are the size of the baking-tin, if it should be covered with some oven paper or inside area should be rubbed with some margarine
Point 5: This gives a good explanation of what to do, however it does not say how it looks when it is ready.The baking time is different for different types ovens which has not been considered in the recipe.
To summarize, I think this instruction has good structure, for example, numbering of instructions as they do recommend in the text but the instructions are not written in an understandable way. Therefore I think this is a bad instruction.
Parminder Virdi
Comment on the instruction How to take the test from Sofia Danielsson
I have to say I disagree with Sara; in my opinion this is not a good instruction
The aim of the instruction is to teach people how to take the test and I think some of the steps are too confusing or to superficial for some users. You don’t get to know how and where to get the ticket or invoice for example. Another example is that there isn’t any explanation on what you should do to download the test. Steps seven and eight could have been combined to avoid confusion. It seems that this is aimed at first time users so there should be an explanation on how you correct the answers and not just “correct your answer”.
The last point can be very confusing and hard to understand. Where do you choose “my hardest questions” and what do they mean with a correction? To put it shortly; this is not an instruction that allow the reader to do the steps with minimum hesitation.
In my opinion this instruction need some additions to be complete. How you see which answers that were wrong for example.
Monika Wogtatai
Comments on the instruction published by Kerstin Moberg
An overall impression of this instruction is that it is easy to read. The information is arranged in an easy and manageable way. The list of ingredients is separated from the rest of the text, this makes it easy to locate in the recipe. This is very good when you want to check if you have forgotten something. The five steps of the instruction make it easy for the reader to take one step at the time, without missing out on any information. The reader does not risk being confused or getting lost in the text.
The writer has a legible aim of this instruction, which is to explain to the reader how to make a chocolate cake. However, I do not entirely agree with Kerstin that this is a good instruction. I would say that the audience of this instruction would be someone who has baked a little before. The audience is also limited because of the writer’s choice of unit for temperature and measurements of capacity. To make it more appealing to others, reference measurements could also have been used in the instruction.
The bad thing is that the instruction is lacking information.
Under point number 2 the instruction says to preheat the oven to 175?. What does the question mark stand for? Someone who has baked before knows that it probably is degrees Celsius, but it could be anything. Where do I melt the margarine? It sounds to med like I am supposed to use the oven while it is preheating?
3. The cake mixture is to be stirred, but with what? An electric whisk is not always a good solution because some cakes tends to go really flat, perhaps I need to use a wooden spoon?
4. What kind of baking tin am I supposed to use? What size and shape should it be? Usually when baking, the baking tin should be greased first, does this apply here?
5. Sometimes when baking, the cake needs a little more time in the oven than it says in the recipe, therefore I would like to know how the cake is supposed to look. Should it be sticky inside or should it be firm? After it has been in the oven for 35 minutes, what do I do with it then? Would it need to cool down on a rack as with other cakes?
I think that the lay-out of this instruction is good, but due to its lack of information I would say this is a bad instruction.
/Posted by Jenny Hedman
Hi There I'd love to thank you for such a great made forum!
Was thinking this is a nice way to introduce myself!
Sincerely,
Johnie Maverick
if you're ever bored check out my site!
[url=http://www.partyopedia.com/articles/strawberry-shortcake-party-supplies.html]strawberry shortcake Party Supplies[/url].
[url=http://kfarbair.com][img]http://www.kfarbair.com/_images/_photos/photo_big8.jpg[/img][/url]
בית מלון [url=http://www.kfarbair.com]כפר בעיר[/url] - [url=http://www.kfarbair.com/about.html]חדרים[/url] גדולים אנחנו מציעים שירותי אירוח מיוחדים כמו כן יש במקום שירות חדרים הכולל [url=http://www.kfarbair.com/eng/index.html]ארוחות רומנטיות[/url] במחירים מיוחדים אשר מוגשות ישירות לחדרכם!
לפרטים נא לפנות לעמוד המלון - [url=http://kfarbair.com]כפר בעיר[/url] [url=http://www.kfarbair.com/contact.html][img]http://www.kfarbair.com/_images/apixel.gif[/img][/url]
I'm newb at this place n' I've loved to tell howdy to you all :D
I've been watching this web site for awhile and it appeared like a awesome palce to be a member of.
もうすぐバレンタイン気になる相手には高価なプレゼントをしたくなるもの！このサイトで短期でびっくりするくらい稼いじゃって下さい
Post a Comment
<< Home